Lyrics

[lolotehe]

Consult a Lawyer. If I could offer you only one tip for a Divorce, Legal Advice would be it. The long-term benefits of legal Advice have been proved by Judges, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than that rusted-out Chevette I got in my Settlement. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and anonymity of cyberspace. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and anonymity of cyberspace until some computer virus destroys your PC and all the kitchen appliances on the same circuit. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at archives of your threads, and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much people actually listened to you and how fabulous you really sounded.

You are not as fat as other Posters suspect you are.

Don't worry about double-posting. Or worry, but know that there are always worse offenders than you.

Don't worry about double-posting. Or worry, but know that there are always worse offenders than you.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that makes phone calls at 4 a.m. from some cheap bar.

Do one thing every day that draws gratuitous attention to yourself.

Spell-chek.

Don't be reckless with other people's threads. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Cross-Post.

Don't waste your time on grammar. Sometimes you're a head, sometimes you're a behind.

The threads are long and, in the end, it's usually just yourself posting.

Save compliments you receive. Delete the insults. If you succeed in doing this, call somebody's Technical Support Line, so they'll know at least one thing.

Destroy your old love letters, and other evidence. Throw away your old bank statements, but get copies of your Ex's.

Conjugate.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your Support Negotiations. The most interesting cases I know didn't know after 2 years what they wanted to do with basic asset issues. Some of the most interesting 4-year-old negotiations I know still don't.

Dispense plenty of advice.

Be kind to your niece. You'll miss her when your Ex's sister won't let her see you anymore.

Maybe you'll marry again, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have your children on alternating weekends, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce again at 40, maybe you'll divorce again at 50, maybe you'll divorce again at 60. Whenever you divorce again, don't litigate too much, or concede too much either.

Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's, unless they loaded the dice. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. Nobody can see it in cyberspace.

Rant, even if you have nowhere to do it but on this Thread.

Read this Site's "Rules of Use", even if you don't follow them.

Do not visit other Divorce websites. They will only make you feel cheap.

Suck up to your Administrator and Legal Editor. You never know when they'll lose their patience for good.

Be nice to your ISP. They're your only link to this site and the people most likely to provide quality service in the future.

Understand that Posters come and go, but a precious few won't leave no matter how nicely you ask.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and language, because the smarter you get, the more you'll spell like a Canadian.

Do a Fest in New York City once, but leave before you lose your job. Fest in Cleveland once, but leave before it's time to do dishes or assemble a roller-coaster.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Abusers will always abuse, Spouses will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, your spouse didn't philander, the drinking was under control and the children had just the one room to tidy.

Email your elders.

Don't expect everyone else to support you. They have their own problems.

Maybe you have a wealthy SO. Maybe you have a wealthy ex-spouse. But you never know when either one might run away with your sister.

Don't mess too much with your spelling or by the time you post, you'll be 8 messages too late. Be careful whose advice you read, but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of plagiarism. Dispensing it is a way of recycling long-forgotten axioms, editing them, and adding just enough punctuation to claim them as your own, so that everyone can ignore you personally.

But trust me on the Legal Advice.