Events

[lolotehe]

I used to know these folks, Buddy and Dart. Buddy's actual name is Vernon and Dart's actual name is Wendy, but she wanted people to call her Dartanyan. So if you ever want to look them up, that's Vernon Moore and Dartanyan Hetrick.



Wendy was (is?) fuck-buddies with my (now) ex-husband, Phil. You may recall I had posted a letter from the Department of the Navy explaining that Phil was never a Marine. I sent a copy of that letter to Buddy and he thought someone had stolen his identity and filed a FIOA request under his name. Phil has someone in Buddy's Facebook network who reported that back to him, so Phil went around saying someone was stealing his friend's identities and filing FIOA requests, which is not true and really easy to prove.

ANYWAY, back in 2000, Wendy asked me for advice on how to leave Buddy. She wanted to break up and move out and I told her she had three things to take care of:

1. They had a joint bank account, so go to the bank and get that broken up
2. They were both on the lease for their apartment, so go to the leasing office and handle that
3. She was driving a car that was in Buddy's name (he financed it), so get the car refinanced and have his name removed.

Instead of doing any of that, what she did was:

1. Went to the bank and closed the joint account but had all the money placed in her own, new account
2. Moved all the little stuff out during the week, then moved the big stuff out on the final day, picked Buddy up from work, and then explained she was leaving and dropped him off in an empty apartment
3. Failed to keep the car legal, got stopped for some dumb thing and had to go to jail because she had no insurance or current stickers, failed to make her court date and spent Thanksgiving in jail, and then stopped making payments on the car until it was repossessed

Have I mentioned yet that Buddy was legally blind when this was going on?

The cherry on the shit sundae was she immediately joined the OTO after breaking up with Buddy, and apparently, you're not allowed to say anything bad about a fellow brother or sister and that was something Buddy took very seriously. So she'd fucked him over and then made sure there was nothing he could do about it.

Now, recall that Wendy and Phil were very very good friends, so he took her side during all this. I was married to Phil, so I was pressured into taking this side and my best friend at the time, Kristin, was also pushed into this. Kristin and I had both been friends with Buddy before all this, but because we were not in the OTO, Buddy was free to vent his anger and frustration about the situation on us. We were never able to heal that.

Shortly before all this happened, Wendy had introduced Buddy to Tristan. Tristan was an honest to god hunchback and I remember a party where I was tripping and she kept getting in my field of vision. I didn't want to be an asshole about it, but she was melting and it was distressing me, so I was moving around the room, trying to find a vantage point so I would not look at her and she kept moving to where I had to look at her and I think maybe she knew and she was deliberately fucking with me. Had I been her, I would have.

Speaking of acid, Phil had a birthday where he, Kristin, and I all dropped acid and he wanted Wendy there, but he didn't want Buddy there. (Buddy had already felt slighted a year earlier when Phil asked Wendy to be a bridesmaid for me, but did not ask Buddy to be a groomsman. I found out late that Wendy's wedding-night gift to Phil was a blowjob on our roomies' bed and Buddy had walked in on them, but had been to blind to see what was going on.)

The invite would have been bad enough, but Tristan had brought to their apartment a kitten she'd found at a gas-station and Wendy's cat attacked Tristan, bit her head, and chased her out onto a locked patio, where she was basically trapped for a few hours, bleeding, until someone came home and let her in.

This is funny but also very tragic and so Wendy had abandoned this entire situation and left a blind man and bleeding hunchback to handle it themselves while she went to drop acid with her fuckbuddy. Buddy completely filled our call-notes with messages through the night (I'd unplugged the phone after it did not stop ringing for an hour).

Much later, in 2003, Wendy had a couple of people stay with her who were OTO (well, HE was) and they had no job and two kids and asked Wendy to get them some weed and so she called Kristin and left a message asking for some weed and Kristin later told me one of her hard and fast rules was you do not get weed for people who call asking for it with a crying baby in the background. Wendy felt obligated to let this OTO guy stay with her because he was a higher rank than she was, but the three days turned into three months and even JR's girlfriend from Denmark, who had her kids taken from her by the government of Denmark was mad about how OTO guy was taking care of (or not taking care of) his kids. The children's names were Isis and Lilith, btw, and they had not been immunized against anything and did not own shoes and that little family never kept their car legal, so Wendy's apartment complex had it towed from the lot because those were their rules, stated in the lease she signed. I had zero sympathy.

The entire situation pissed me off so much, I posted about how the OTO are a bunch of fuckwits. I got several months of death-threats for that, but that's because the OTO are a bunch of fuckwits.

Anyway. It turned out that Wendy was charging things in Buddy's name, still, so he thought that was somehow MY idea (?) and went on a rant against me and Kristin. We both felt bad for him.

By then I had moved and Phil overplayed his hand on using me, so that led to our breakup and divorce. Fun times. A year later Kristin pulled a stupid stunt with me and that was the end of that.

Anyhow, I found out that Tristan died a couple weeks ago. I sent Buddy a card and a letter.



I haven't heard anything back on it and that's fine. I'm just sorry the whole awful mess ever happened in the first place.

Comments

[tochiro998.livejournal.com]

Well, that all is just a mess, no two ways about it. I had never heard of OTO, at least under that name, and looking it up, yeah, OK, so in terms of Wiccan and Pagan culture, sounds like OTO would be either the Mormons or Scientology offshoot, at least to my Agnostic/Deist thought. :)

But of COURSE it would be popular with some. Crowley's 'Do as thou will' teaching speaks to that mentality. Take drugs! Free sex! Make anal a special rite at a high degree! Yeesh. Might as well be part of the whole 'Gor' nonsense.

I wonder how many times I've brushed the edge of that crap in my years? In hindsight I can think of several cases.

You need not have any regrets. People are their own masters, even if they fuck up. Lord knows I've done plenty of that!

Here are things I've learned over the decades.

1. Acid is bad for your mental health.

2. fuck buddies always end up fucking friendships, because regardless of what ANYBODY says, fucking creates attachments and expectations (especially in men. Get a little, want it more. always.), there cannot be such a thing as 'casual' sex.

3. When people are a trainwreck in motion, there is NOTHING you can do to change that. All you can do is save yourself and prepare to clean up after. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR THE TRAINWRECK, it was going to happen regardless.

It's terrible to have a friend, even if they're more 'just someone you know' tipple off to self-immolation. Dave and I were talking about someone we know who, it seems, has gone down a similar path. It's a shame but people have free will and that's all there is to it.

Naturally, I'm a fine one to talk, given my current mental state, but hey, I'm still here.

[lolotehe]

Looking on all the folks I know who have been chewed up by it, I feel I should write a book about magic, but how it's ruined some lives, heroin-style. I do know magicians who are not complete fuckups and it does something for them and gives their lives meaning or whatever, but I knew a lot of folks who could to handle it and got into it for all the wrong reasons. Anyone who's spent time with witches or magi knows folks like that.

[tochiro998.livejournal.com]

I know nothing of this lifestyle choice. All I know is that many people seem to have a need for SOMETHING that gives them an illusion of control over the shit that life hands out, and if it's not Magic/Magik/Witchcraft/whatever, it's usually some super goofy variation of Born Again Christian. Sometimes it's Amway or some cause, but whatever it is, it allows them to feel some kind of superiority, some kind of "I know something you don't" that helps them get thru the shit of life, and even, in the case of 'magic' the illusion that they can 'get back' at those that oppress/suppress/impose on them.

Bonus points if it involves weed and sex.

You probably don't want to write that book. It will gain you nothing but bad ju-ju. Smart people won't have an interest in it, dumb people will kneejerk that you must be a Born Again out to 'destroy' their very personal lifestyle choice and won't listen to what you say.

And then there's the curses. Which are SUPPOSED to be a no-no ("what you do will return to you times three" or something like that IIRC) but you and I know SOME of the idiots try them anyway, and me, well, being agnostic doesn't mean I'm stupid, I try to steer clear of such things. Because you never know. :)

GAWD DAMN

[disgruntledgrrl.livejournal.com]

Dart pretty much ended my friendship with Vernon. I feel responsible for her coming to Texas. Seriously. And she gave me head lice twice.

She gave Randy her shpeil
"Dart - fast, small, shar-"
"- and public transport." Randy was less than impressed with her.

She is one of 2 people I have banned from my life. When Doc had his accident and was in the hospital, she sent a mass email about her visit, during which she let him smoke a cigarette. I privately emailed her asking if it was wise to do that. She added everyone back to the To field and lambasted me. Then Vernon threatened me. I was done.

RE: GAWD DAMN

[lolotehe]

I was just remembering how Kristin and I used to tease her with "Dart spelled backwards is tard."

Harder for me to make that joke, now that I work here, but it did get a mighty laugh from the sysadmins one afternoon.

Nicole once saw my hate

[disgruntledgrrl.livejournal.com]

She'll be happy to tell you about it.