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loloteheThis weekend, a friend of mine said I needed to write a how-to book on dying. Not that I have a lot of experience with it....
Actually, what had started the conversation was me talking about how easy Dad's death had been. I'm not saying that to make light of it, but we really had everything handled so there were no surprises.
What this also reminds me of is an ex-boyfriend back in 1995. He had a friend who was not healthy at all and had asked him to be the executor of the estate. I was working for a bookstore at the time and picked up a copy of The Lawyer-Free Will Kit, a book that is now sadly out of print.
Incidentally, the friend died a few days after Christmas. They had never gone through the book, so none of the friend's wishes were carried out, at all. I took the kit back and exchanged it for a 1996 Piero Fornasetti calendar.
Anyhoo, after going through Dad's death and working with the wonderful wonderful Jim Bates at the Funeral Consumer's Alliance of Texas, I was telling my buddy about how you have to have your stuff in order. She said that if I wrote a book about it, she'd buy it.
So, here's a rough outline on what you have to do:
Anyone who knows me knows I like 3-ring binders. They're awesome. I have multiple binders that I keep in a little 2-drawer filing cabinet and I keep all my paper-work in them. There's one for the car, one for the house, one for my health and insurance, one for credit-cards.... You get the picture.
So, you're going to get a binder. It can be black or whatever, but you're going to want some dividers (I like the ones with little plastic tabs) and you'll have three sections: what you want, what you've got, and what you owe.
WHAT YOU WANT
This is where you're going to have the documents that detail you and your body. Do you want the plug pulled if your brain dies? Do you want a Do Not Resuscitate order on file? This is where you're going to keep forms like this.
Are you an organ donor? Have you made plans to donate your body to science? (You have to work that out ahead of time.) Any form or instructions on your body go into this section.
Member of the Neptune Society? Put a down-payment on a fancy headstone? Have some crazy scheme where your body is tattooed, dressed in leather and glass beads, and then sunk in a peat-bog? Make sure you have all the legal forms that allow for those kind of shenanigans in this section.
WHAT YOU GOT
If no one knows you own fifteen acres in Bowie County, then it's going to be hard for anyone to do anything about it after you've died. As Bowie County isn't reading the obituaries every day on the off chance that a property owner has died, then they aren't going to be volunteering that information. Make a note here that it's something you own.
This is also a handy place to note safety deposit boxes, foreign bank accounts, and that super-rare book you've got mixed in with the others. You might also want to make notes here about what you have and who'd you like to have it.
Case in point: remember how I was talking about the friend of an ex who named him executor? The night after Dave died, there was this little blonde girl skipping around the wake, laying claim to various things in the apartment Dave shared with his sister. “I just want ____ to remember Dave by,” where ____ was whatever she wanted: chili-pepper lights, an action figure, a chair.... What Dave wanted was for his sister to be taken care of; but, because there was no form or notation that those were his wishes, she went homeless after a while. If you've got someone you want taken care of, you need to make a note of how that's going to happen.
WHAT YOU OWE
This is a tough section and it's usually settled with probating the estate. You want to list everyone
Just because you die, it doesn't mean your debt will die with you. Your medical bills could outlive you. This section is where you want to list all the money you owe people. Seriously, this makes it easier for those left behind. There are no unpleasant surprises.
Anyway, that's the basics. There's lots of other stuff like hospice care, cremation, so forth, but this is a good start.
Actually, what had started the conversation was me talking about how easy Dad's death had been. I'm not saying that to make light of it, but we really had everything handled so there were no surprises.
What this also reminds me of is an ex-boyfriend back in 1995. He had a friend who was not healthy at all and had asked him to be the executor of the estate. I was working for a bookstore at the time and picked up a copy of The Lawyer-Free Will Kit, a book that is now sadly out of print.
Incidentally, the friend died a few days after Christmas. They had never gone through the book, so none of the friend's wishes were carried out, at all. I took the kit back and exchanged it for a 1996 Piero Fornasetti calendar.
Anyhoo, after going through Dad's death and working with the wonderful wonderful Jim Bates at the Funeral Consumer's Alliance of Texas, I was telling my buddy about how you have to have your stuff in order. She said that if I wrote a book about it, she'd buy it.
So, here's a rough outline on what you have to do:
Anyone who knows me knows I like 3-ring binders. They're awesome. I have multiple binders that I keep in a little 2-drawer filing cabinet and I keep all my paper-work in them. There's one for the car, one for the house, one for my health and insurance, one for credit-cards.... You get the picture.
So, you're going to get a binder. It can be black or whatever, but you're going to want some dividers (I like the ones with little plastic tabs) and you'll have three sections: what you want, what you've got, and what you owe.
WHAT YOU WANT
This is where you're going to have the documents that detail you and your body. Do you want the plug pulled if your brain dies? Do you want a Do Not Resuscitate order on file? This is where you're going to keep forms like this.
Are you an organ donor? Have you made plans to donate your body to science? (You have to work that out ahead of time.) Any form or instructions on your body go into this section.
Member of the Neptune Society? Put a down-payment on a fancy headstone? Have some crazy scheme where your body is tattooed, dressed in leather and glass beads, and then sunk in a peat-bog? Make sure you have all the legal forms that allow for those kind of shenanigans in this section.
WHAT YOU GOT
If no one knows you own fifteen acres in Bowie County, then it's going to be hard for anyone to do anything about it after you've died. As Bowie County isn't reading the obituaries every day on the off chance that a property owner has died, then they aren't going to be volunteering that information. Make a note here that it's something you own.
This is also a handy place to note safety deposit boxes, foreign bank accounts, and that super-rare book you've got mixed in with the others. You might also want to make notes here about what you have and who'd you like to have it.
Case in point: remember how I was talking about the friend of an ex who named him executor? The night after Dave died, there was this little blonde girl skipping around the wake, laying claim to various things in the apartment Dave shared with his sister. “I just want ____ to remember Dave by,” where ____ was whatever she wanted: chili-pepper lights, an action figure, a chair.... What Dave wanted was for his sister to be taken care of; but, because there was no form or notation that those were his wishes, she went homeless after a while. If you've got someone you want taken care of, you need to make a note of how that's going to happen.
WHAT YOU OWE
This is a tough section and it's usually settled with probating the estate. You want to list everyone
Just because you die, it doesn't mean your debt will die with you. Your medical bills could outlive you. This section is where you want to list all the money you owe people. Seriously, this makes it easier for those left behind. There are no unpleasant surprises.
Anyway, that's the basics. There's lots of other stuff like hospice care, cremation, so forth, but this is a good start.
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no subject
Date: 2013-01-22 05:27 pm (UTC)Bonus points for a safe being flood-rated too, for us Texans that can have our document safes tossed around by tornadoes (or hosed down by firemen). Sure it's all chance-in-a-million kind of stuff, but so is dying unexpectedly; a document safe is a good one-time investment for this type of planning.
P.S., LJ's comment editing is kind of annoying.