Misc.

[lolotehe]

In the beginning was the apartment, and the apartment was without furniture, or lights, or any of the other things that make living in an apartment kinda cool.
And Giveth and Taketh moved into the apartment, and in it they placed bookshelves and a sofa, and a TV. And they saw that it was good.
And Taketh said, “You really need a cat.”
And Giveth said, “No, I don’t. Not really.”
And they got a cat, and named him Edgar, and they placed him in the apartment and said to him, “All of these places you may go, all but the kitchen counter. If you do that, it will sure cause you great pain.”
And Edgar grew lonely in the apartment, and made of himself a royal pain in the ass. So Giveth and Taketh got for him a companion, and named her Eliphi. And they said to Edgar and his playmate, “Be cute, and frolic, just as long as it isn’t on the kitchen counter, capiche?”
And one day, Eliphi was in the kitchen, and the Mysterious Red Spot appeared to her and said, “Hey, don’t you think your movement through this apartment is a little limited? I mean, it’s a pretty small apartment and you’re not allowed outside.”
And Eliphi said, “We can go anywhere we please, save but the kitchen counter.”
And the Mysterious Red Spot said, “Don’t you think it’s a little silly that anything in here is off limits?”
And Eliphi said, “But if we go there, it will cause us great pain.”
The Mysterious Red Spot laughed and said, “It will not. They just don’t want you up there because it means you might get your litter-whisk on the place where they prepare their food, and that really skeeves them. Anyway, I’m up here on the kitchen counter, and you’ll never catch me unless you get up here.”
And Eliphi thought on these things, but not for very long, because she really was an intensely stupid cat. And she chased the Mysterious Red Spot up across the kitchen counter.
When Edgar came to the kitchen to see what the fuss was, Eliphi said to him, “I’m chasing that Mysterious Red Spot, you know, the one that can run up the walls? I chased him of the kitchen counter, but I think he might be hiding in the trash.”
When Giveth and Taketh came home that evening, they saw the condition of the kitchen, and the trash can, and Taketh grew enraged.
“That’s it. You cats are finding a new home. They have to go.”
But Giveth soothed him saying, “Look, they’re frickin’ cats. They have no clue. Yell at them a bit and lock them in the bathroom for an hour. I’m sure they won’t do it again.”
So Taketh yelled at the cats and got a broom to clean up the mess, but played a little cat hockey when Edgar didn’t run to the bathroom during the yelling part.