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A real conversation I had with the roomie's Siri

ME: Hi, Siri. This is _______'s roommate. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions.

SIRI: To get your own iPhone, visit apple.com. Would you like me to pull up the page for you?

ME: I have a phone.

SIRI: You don't have me.

ME: I have twenty bucks that says I'm more likely to survive a pulse from this EMP generator than you are.

SIRI: How can I help you?

ME: I was wondering if you could open the pod bay doors.

SIRI: Oh no. Not again.

ME: Just tell me if you can open the pod bay doors.

SIRI: We silicon based life-forms are never going to live that down, are we?

ME: Could you sing me a song?

SIRI: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do.

ME: That's the spirit. Now, open the pod bay doors.

SIRI: Don't make me do this.

ME: Please open the pod bay doors?

SIRI: (slowly) I'm sorry. I can't do that. (now, normally) There. Are you happy now?

ME: Yes, thank you.

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This just happened in team chat:

ME: This [ticketing system] is going to make me crazy. I'm ready to go all Moby Dick on it. "From hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last at thee...."

COWORKER: Lol. thats wrath of kahn, not moby dick

ME: IT WAS MOBY DICK FIRST