Mar. 26th, 2017 08:40 pm
lolotehe: Events (Events)
I was talking with some folks a while back about how I have to get the bathroom in my house redone. There’s no actual tile in the bath, just some kind of plastic molded shit, and it’s starting to bow out in the tub. I’m only slightly terrified of what kind of rotten mess is behind that.

But, as a joke, what I want to do when I DO get the wall redone is seal in a fake baby skeleton in a christening gown.

I’ve done some pricing on this and a half-way decent looking fake baby skeleton costs roughly $600, but only $300 if it has two heads. This led to a debate on if I should put one tiny gold cross necklace on it or two and that led to a debate on where the soul resides and how many souls a two-headed baby would have.

After a while, I also decided that when I finally get the kitchen redone (similar tile situation there, but sans bowing), I should entomb a really nice bottle of wine with a note, “I’m sorry about the baby.”

What makes this really funny is, if you watch those house remodeling shows, they always do the kitchen first.

Now, add to all this, I recently inherited an old trunk. I had long ago joked about putting a trunk in the corner of my attic containing a skeleton in a wedding dress. Hell, there’s Christmas carols about shit like that.

I’d also like to point out I’m the second owner of my house. My house was built in 1930 and the previous owner was a very tall woman who I suspect died in the house.

Another thing about my house is the chimney was capped god knows when and the fireplace converted to gas. Someday, I’d like to turn it back into a proper wood-burning fireplace.

And then, the other day, while looking for something else, I stumbled on this Wikipedia article about dried cat. Not what I expected to find, but kinda interesting on its own.

So. That’s the setup. Yesterday at work, starting thinking about a story. Might make a fun little 30-minute film.

Go on. )


Jan. 20th, 2013 03:25 am
lolotehe: kitties (Kitties!)
A writing exercise for me, a little biography, translated from some other language.

What's all this, meow? )


Dec. 23rd, 2012 08:14 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
OK, you know how if it's too warm in the bed, how you have nightmares? Well, it wasn't a nightmare that woke me up, but I did have a strange dream. It was when I was trying to get back to sleep that the dream twisted into terrible visions.

Here's one of them.

What kind of nightmare? )


Dec. 7th, 2012 01:07 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
I always saw it as a kid's book, but with cut-outs for the windows of the house.
Saw what? )


May. 16th, 2012 12:49 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
I quick story that came from a discussion with a friend about lab-practices.

Oh, SHUT UP! You've never been in a lab. )


Apr. 13th, 2012 01:03 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
We talked about philosophical zombies at club tonight.

What the...? )


Mar. 12th, 2012 05:16 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
Hey, alright! I took a shower. I was at Home Depot today. Guess what I've got for you?

This )
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
The dragon was larger than previously anticipated.

Dragon? What dragon? )


Dec. 1st, 2010 12:47 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
I don't know if it should be submitted as fantasy or science-fiction.

Jeeze, what is it this time? )
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
I'm still mad about an argument I had on Thursday and it made me think of this.

I need more "idea" gags and I'm not sure about the last line.

What's the big idea? )


Nov. 18th, 2010 07:16 pm
lolotehe: kitties (Kitties!)
I see a short comic or animation or I could just make a short video. I dunno.

I feel like I have this conversation every night. )
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
The little ghost-story finally percolated to the top of the queue over at critters and the critiques have been coming in. I've agreed with pretty most all of them (except for the woman who did not understand it was a ghost and the guy who wanted me to kill the Corgis!).

Actually, the dog-killer did want a final instructional on "The Proper Way to Dispose of a Body". This made me think of "The Last Supper" by Russell Fitzgerald. Any suggestions would be useful.

What's that about? )


Nov. 11th, 2010 01:01 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
When I got the new windows, it was horribly quiet in the house and I could not get to sleep. I picked up a sound machine for crazy-cheap. The only one that helped me get to sleep was the "summer night".

I don't use it now, because it also produces a low whine.

But! the vein of noise, I thought of this little tale.

Thank you. Come again? )


Oct. 22nd, 2010 12:42 am
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
This what I can do in an hour, when the mood hits me.

Not Quite Right )


Jun. 29th, 2010 06:28 pm
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
“I don't think I'm smart enough to be in MENSA.” That's what Danielle said when I suggested we all join.

Our group was crammed into the tiny smoking section of the local IHOP and the discussion had turned to car insurance. Kris, Roman, my husband Phil, and I were in one booth. Roman's ex-girlfriend, Alice, and her new boyfriend, Matt, were in another with Dave, who once rented my spare bedroom.

Why even consider such a thing? )


Oct. 29th, 2005 04:47 pm
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
The interview was scheduled for nine in the morning. I made it a point to arrive early—this allows me to better evaluate a potential employer. Not that I was being picky. I needed this job. )
lolotehe: (Haiku/Fact)
“I’m fifty-four,” he complains and pushes the car a little harder. “I thought it was supposed to get easier as you got older.”

We’re driving to the other office to get our security badges.

“So you were born in the year of the tiger.” I've done the quick math. The Mazda 110S whines under the strain of going up the next hill. “So was I.”

He waves his cigarette to emphasize the point. “It’s supposed to get easier. As your age increases, so should your pay. It’s not fair.”

I try to change the subject. “So, should I learn Hindi or Farsi?”

Wrong topic. “Hindi! Hindi! The bastards! They’re driving down the price of everything. It’s not like they can do anything about it; they aren’t citizens like me. I had to work hard to get that! I drove four hours every day!”

We park in front of the office and run to the security desk. They make us sign more forms and show our ID. The badge office closes in five minutes.

"I’ll take off my heels," I offer. "Then we can run there."

He looks at my feet. "Why do you wear them? You’re already tall."

"I like to dress up on the first day. Then once I see what everyone else is wearing, I dress to match."

We’re already moving down the hallway at a brisk pace. "It’s good you wore gray," he says. "You won’t stand out too much. They like quiet women. That’s why they’re replacing that other one."

That other one is the one training me. They’ve asked her to stay on a brief time to show me how to do her job. It’s insult to injury. All she’s talked about today is her sick husband and doctors' bills.

We’ve made it to the office just in time and get our pictures taken. They hand us our badges and we take a leisurely stroll to the cafeteria.

"You’ll like this," he offers. "It’s much nicer than the one in our building."

The special today is grilled salmon with cilantro rice. I take the chicken taquitos instead because of a two-dollar price difference.

It is a nice cafeteria. Obviously of modern design, it looks like the set from a Kubrick film. The lighting is muted. There’s an abandoned baby grand in the center of it all.

He sits across from me with a sandwich. I thought it was pastrami at first, be he’s corrected me. It’s prosciutto. I confess a weakness for soppresata.

"I was going to be in the oil business. A good business in Iran, eh?” he takes a bite. “But that was terrible. It didn’t work out. I was going to school and they threw us all out when the hostages were taken. We were glued to the television set for two years."

I nod to the sandwich. "You’re not Muslim, though..."

He laughs and bits of ham go flying.

"These poor bastards. They come here and work work work. They work late into the night and don’t report their hours; you know why? Because they signed a contract that says they won’t work overtime! But then the client wants the job done, so they have to work late. It’s not like they can take time off, oh no. They have to be here all the time. And then they go home and do more work!"

He points out a man across the room. "You see him? We went to his engagement party. He was twenty-nine; she was nineteen. He just brought her over. She’s only been here a year and she dogs him! Oh, she rips into him whenever she wants. So he stays here as much as he can. He’ll be a father soon." Abruptly, he changes the subject. "They give you a laptop?"

I finish what I’m chewing on. "No, not yet."

"They’ll probably give you something held together with scotch tape."

We finish the meal and get back into his car. We smoke and joke about the situation.

"Ah, what do you know?" He asks. "You’re only thirty. You’re just a kid."

We continue the drive in silence, with two tigers between us.


Jan. 3rd, 2004 12:14 pm
lolotehe: kitties (Kitties!)
Meow )



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